Desperation
by April10163
Summary: Her pain would now be added to that of everyone else who had sat here before her; her screams joining theirs in an endless song of sorrow. E/O
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to SVU. **

X.X.X.

Olivia sat in the darkness; all of the windows open in her apartment allowing the cool breeze to envelop her. The air carried the damp scent of spring, and promise of rain. She loved times like this, the quiet darkness proved to be relaxing. On nights like these she let herself think, or cry, or whatever it might be she needed to do to clear her mind.

The piercing ring of a phone lured Olivia from her thoughts, and back to reality. She grabbed her coat, fumbled around in the pocket for a moment before she found her cell.

"Benson" she hastily answered.

"Olivia, you need to come to the hospital." Captain Cragen's voice was unsteady which immediately alerted her to the fact that she was about to hear something bound to upset her.

What he told her next didn't just upset her, it floored her. "It's Elliot" he paused for a moment trying to find the best way to tell her everything was about to change. "He was hit by a car. There is massive internal bleeding; they don't think he's going to make it." For a moment her world stopped spinning and began to plummet to the deepest recesses of the universe.

Before Cragen had a chance to add anything else, she was on her way out of the apartment. Elliot was the only thing on her mind; she didn't even remember to lock the door.

X.X.X

The hospital waiting room was silent, and not. Like all hospitals. The desperation of the hundreds of people who sat in these chairs before them was in every crack of the wall, it seemed to scream through the silence. All of the tears shed in this very spot gave it an almost haunted feel. She remembered it always felt similar to this, but now there was something else: her own sense of desperation. Her pain would now be added to that of everyone else who had sat here before her; her screams joining theirs in an endless song of sorrow.

'They don't think he's going to make it' This time she could not prevent the tears. Thankfully, they were silent, like her prayers. She had never seriously prayed before, but now she wouldn't be able to stop if she wanted to. 'Please God, not Elliot. Please.'

"Olivia" Cragen said softly, directing her attention to the doctor standing in front of them. She looked at the clock, the offensive object ticking away the moments Elliot's life was hanging by a string, it had been three agonizing hours and now her deepest fears would either be confirmed or denied.

"Detective Stabler is in extremely critical condition. He sustained internal hemorrhaging, multiple broken bones, and a collapsed lung. Currently, he is in a coma; if he doesn't wake up within the next forty-eight hours, he will be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life."

"Wh..What room is he in?" Olivia asked quickly.

"Room 204" he said and watched as Olivia rushed out of the room to find Elliot.

202, 203, 204 she tentatively stepped into Elliot's room, noticing immediately how fragile he looked. Seeing Elliot appear so vulnerable was incredibly strange to her. He'd been in the hospital before, and she had visited him. But even then he never looked like he did now. A tear slid down her cheek as she pulled the lone chair as close to his bed as possible. She was unsure how long she sat with him like that, her warm hand covering his cold one, when she noticed the time. It was late but she would not allow herself to neglect him for something as simple as sleep. Although she felt her eyelids closing, she could not prevent it. The blackness swept over her, dragging her into a world of meaningless dreams.

X.X.X

A sense of vertigo jolted Olivia out of a restless sleep. She shook her head a little, trying to clear it. When she lifted her eyes to scan the room she was relieved to notice nothing had changed in the minute and a half in which exhaustion had won over will power.

"Excuse me, ma'm?" Olivia looked up from Elliot's peaceful face to see a plain looking man carrying a vase of assorted flowers. He was a young man, appearing to be in his late teens, his jeans were faded and baggy in the style teens liked these days, his shirt was a deep forest green, and had a logo for the flower shop where he worked.

"Can I help you with something?" She asked politely trying to hide her annoyance at the intrusion.

"I have a delivery for an...Elliot Stabler."

"Yep, this is his room. You can just set those on the table over there." Olivia watched as the young man turned around to put the flowers on the table. He set the vase down and turned back to face Olivia bumping the vase with his arm in the process. Everything felt like it was in slow motion as they both watched the vase fall to the floor and shatter.

"Oh, wow, I am so sorry." the kid said bending down, and franticly tried picking up the small shards of glass. A cut formed on his hand, but the young man ignored it to continue picking up the vase.

"It's all right. I'll find someone to sweep it up." Olivia effortlessly lifted herself out of the hard, plastic chair, and walked into the hallway into the hallway in search of a nurse or janitor. She was half way to the nurse's station when she heard two distinct gunshots from what appeared to be Elliot's room. Olivia rushed back to Elliot's room, temporarily forgetting her training form the academy.

When she re-entered Elliot's room, the delivery boy was gone. Everything appeared to be as it was when she left. Relieved, Olivia walked back to Elliot's bed, and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders to keep him warm. She resumed her position in the uncomfortable hospital chair. But, no matter how much she tried, she could not rid herself of the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. The reason became clear when she saw the blood. How had she missed it before?! His blanket was coated in it. Frantically, Olivia checked his pulse. His neck was sticky with the warm blood, causing her hand to slip in her desperate attempt to feel even the slightest flutter of his heart. Maybe she was just being paranoid; Elliot being dead? The thought was absurd, if Elliot was dead, surely she would be too.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. There was no pulse, he was dead. Olivia began to hyperventilate. She couldn't get enough air. Panic.

**A/N: So, I really have no idea where this is going. It's just something that was in my head and refused to leave. Anyway, reviews are much appreciated. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Desperation ch. 2**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter! And I apologize for the long wait on an update. **

**Disclaimer: Nothing related to SVU is mine.**

Olivia woke with a start. Her eyes scanned the room, landing on Elliot's peaceful form. She breathed a sigh of relief upon observing his chest rising and falling. She lightly placed her hand over his, when she felt him grasp the tips of her fingers, and pull her hand towards his body. She looked up to his face to see his piercing blue eyes studying her, She smiled, but remained silent as he motioned for her to slide onto the narrow bed next to him. Carefully, she complied to his wishes. "Am I hurting you?" she asked finally breaking the silence. He shook his head 'no', the tube down his throat preventing him from replying vocally. She was laying on her side now, facing him. Her hand rested lightly on the blanket, her forehead lightly brushing the side of his head. The warmth radiating off his body cured the cold that had been haunting her since learning of his accident.

But of course, after a moment of peace, her conscience overcame her needs, and she quickly slid off the bed, being careful not to hurt him. The images of his wife and their five children flashing through her mind reminded her that he was not hers. This one time though, Olivia wanted nothing more than to be selfish. She wanted to be able to lay near him without feeling guilty; without knowing that when he got up, he would be going home to someone else.

She desperately needed a distraction now, anything to keep her mind out of forbidden territory. The nurse, that was it! She should get a nurse to remove the breathing tube. After informing him of her plan, she left the room to scout the hallways for a nurse. In a hospital it never took long to find personnel. It was like Sams Club; even the employees seemed to come in bulk.

The first nurse Olivia found was a hard-working woman with kind, grandmotherly eyes, and laugh lines on her face. She was shorter than Olivia, standing at about five feet.

After Olivia explained the situation, the nurse agreed to see if he was ready to have the tube removed. The two women walked down the hallway towards his room neither saying anything, but both analyzing each other.

"So, how do you know Mr. Stabler?" the old woman asked, breaking the acquerd silence.

"Detective Stabler, and he's my partner."

The woman nodded, believing it was a plausible answer.

Twenty minutes later, after careful examination, Elliot was no longer breathing with the assistance of the tube. If the setting were different, and the gnash on his forehead was not visible, things may have seemed normal. And right now, they both needed that sense of normalcy.

Olivia sighed as she once again settled into the plastic chair. "You can go home, you know. You don't have to stay." His voice was soft and raspy, but still, hearing it made her shiver.

She shook her head; there was no way she would leave him now. Call her paranoid, but that dream shook her up. Nope, she would be staying until she felt he was safe. "Sorry Elliot, but you're stuck with me."

He smiled and rolled his eyes dramatically. "Typical."

They both started laughing. Olivia smiled at him sympathetically as he winced. Broken ribs will do that to a person; she knew, it hurt like a bitch. "Hey, you okay?" She noticed the look of pain on his face did not disintegrate as it should have. For Elliot to show how much it hurt, meant it hurt worse than normal. Her worry increased when he did not answer.

In a brief moment of clarity, she remembered the call button. Soon after pressing it a nurse walked casually into the room. Upon observing the scene in front of her, she quickly rushed out of the room to return moments later with a doctor Olivia did not recognize. After briefly interrogating Olivia, the doctor requested she leave the room. She did not want to leave Elliot alone, but she wanted him to get the help he needed.

Once again, Olivia was seated in the dull waiting room. Only this time, she sat alone; this time, there was hope. She couldn't help but feel responsible for his being here. It had hit her recently - he was on his way to her apartment when he was hit. He was going to _her. _Therefore, it was her fault, her burden to bear. Olivia stifled a sob, not even willing to show herself in a weak state to an empty room.

She should have known he would go to her apartment. After that day at work, their relationship seemed more strained than usual. She should have known he would try to fix it. They had been getting better. But there was still a long way to go before they were back to the way they started. The way they were before she left. Before she proved to him that he could not trust her, before she single-handedly destroyed his faith in her.

Olivia hated waiting. The only reason she managed to survive stakeouts was that Elliot was there. Somehow, he always managed to make her forget about the suspense of waiting for the perp. On the rare occasion she would be partnered with Munch or Fin during a stakeout, she always seemed to go crazy.

Two hours later Olivia still sat in the straight-backed chair, only now she was not alone. His wife and children had arrived about an hour ago. The atmosphere had gone from quiet and serene, to quiet and acquerd. She did not mind his children being there; in fact, under normal circumstances she enjoyed spending time with them. His wife was another story.

It was not that Olivia disliked Kathy; it was just that they did not seem to understand each other. Even though they both cared for the same man, they were very different. Before Olivia's thoughts could drag her further into uncharted territory, they were interrupted by a doctor in green scrubs stepping through the double doors leading to Elliot. Everyone in the room was standing and crowding around him in a matter of seconds. As he explained Elliot's condition, Olivia felt herself relax visibly. He would be fine. He was fully awake and responding, practically normal. When the doctor uttered the magic final word, Kathy was through the doors searching for his room. Watching Kathy running towards the man that was hers, helped Olivia remember who he really belonged to. And with her final sigh for the night, Olivia turned and walked in the general direction of the cafeteria. She needed coffee.

**A/N: I think I have some ideas for the next chapter, so hopefully the next update won't take long. **

**Reviews are appreciated :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Desperation Chapter 3**

**A/N: I am so sorry about the long wait. School has been overwhelming and writers block had to show its ugly face. **

**Disclaimer: They're not mine. **

**X.X.X.**

It had been four days; four days since he woke up, and four days since he last saw her. The nurses said she stopped in a few times to see how he was doing, but never when he was awake.

He closed his eyes and must have drifted off briefly, for when he woke again, he could swear he could hear her voice. He shook his head in attempt to clear it; and listened.

Nothing.

He must be going crazy. Maybe it was the accident; his hearing had been affected and no one bothered to tell him. Or maybe it was the case of seeing someone in everything. It seemed to happen in movies all the time, so why not him too? Why should he be exempt from the confusion?

He could almost see the doctor speaking with his captain in hushed tones. "Yes, Elliot Stabler has suffered a traumatic brain injury which has resulted in seeing his partner everywhere. If it continues to progress he may need to be taken to Belleview."

Elliot Stabler, welcome to the loony bin.

He shivered and pulled the thread-bear blanked tighter around him. When he looked up again, he startled at the sight of the person standing in the door. It was almost as if his thoughts had called her. _"Olivia, Elliot's going crazy here. He needs to see you to keep from ending up in Belleview." _

"Hey" she said, her voice soft.

"Hey"

She approached his bed, looking down at him. "Sorry I haven't seen you in a few days. Caught a tough case." He nodded in understanding, having been in the same scenario before.

He watched her closely as she slumped into the chair; noticing the manner in which her body seemed to fold in on itself.

"You haven't slept have you?"

She shrugged, "Got a few hours yesterday." He stared at her, and sighed; knowing it would only be a matter of minutes before she fell asleep in the chair. He also knew how terribly she would ach when she woke up.

"Olivia"

"Hmm?"

"Get up here" he patted the bed next to himself as he scooted to make room. "If you sleep there you're going to hurt tomorrow."

"Elliot, I'm to damn tired to think logically; so if this is some kind of mind game, don't expect me to play along."

"Liv. I wouldn't do that to you, and you know it. Now if you don't want to be able to move in the morning then stay there..."

Olivia sighed, accepting defeat. As she slid onto the narrow bed for the second time that week, she realized that it felt different this time. It felt safe, and right. She exhaled deeply as her body melded with Elliot's. His hand slid between them to intertwine with hers.

She bolted upright. Something was different and it caused her chest to tighten in a brief moment of hopefulness. She pulled their hands from between their bodies; and sure enough, it was gone. The gold band symbolizing Kathy's claim was no longer present. All that remained was a faint line where it once rested on his finger.

"El? Where's your ring?"

He looked into her eyes, and through them she saw the answer before he spoke aloud. They always were able to communicate like that. But lately, not so much. Although their relationship had been strained, it seemed to be getting better. They would always be terrible at communicating but when they were in sync, like now, it wasn't necessary. "It didn't work. We tried, for the kids, but nothing changed."

"I'm sorry" she said sincerely.

"I'm not" he said. "Kathy and I...we grew apart. She's the mother of my children and I will always care about her. But it happens. Now, you should get some sleep; you need it."

She nodded her head in acknowledgement as she tucked herself into the solid wall that was Elliot and slowly drifted off to sleep.

A smile appeared on Elliot's face when he looked down and saw how peaceful she looked. He hoped that one day she would trust him enough to show this vulnerable side to him without the aid of sleep. He knew she trusted him immensely, but also that she held back to protect herself. It was a defense mechanism developed throughout her childhood. And now, doing this job, it seemed to build up even more.

Olivia cuddled into his chest and mumbled something unintelligible causing Elliot to glance down again.

He must have just watched her for half an hour before he fell into a deep peaceful sleep for the first time in four days.

**X.X.X.**

**A/N: I think there will probably be one or two more chapters left. Reviews are appreciated :) **


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